No longer addicted to you Letting go of pursuing our own happiness

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY SIXIANG CHEN

In the third year after I broke up with my first love, I learned from my friend that she had a new boyfriend, or rather a fiance. He took her to see the snow in Harbin, the trip which we had planned the trip in first two years we were dating, but it didn’t come true. Was I addicted to her?

Although we had been separated for years, my heart still felt pain when I heard this news. I wanted to call her. I wanted her to feel guilty. I wanted her to come back.

However, I did nothing at all. I was silently digesting these crazy emotions, because I would prefer more to be a decent and elegant ex after breaking up.

It took me a long time to heal from the feeling of a broken heart. Eventually I began to live freely, to rejoin my friends’ gatherings, and to open my heart to waiting for the new love.

Recently, I heard about her engagement. This time I wasn’t jealous. It is just like when I heard the gossip about a movie star. I didn’t even have curiosity.

A broken heart is an amazing experience. I thought it would be the beginning of pain, but later I slowly found that it was the end of torment.

Two years ago, my best friend broke from her boyfriend. She held a party and invited seven singled friends. At the beginning, everyone raised their glasses in celebration of being single again, respecting freedom and foolish love. In the party, we once again became heroes of our lives.

After our toasts, someone started the conversation about the reasons behind their last breakups. “I was studying in America,” said one girl as she chewed sweet potato chips. “I was looking forward to Christmas and seeing him again [in China].

She called him and he seemed indifferent. “We said goodbye to each other on the phone. Immediately after the call, I received his text breakup message: We are not right for each other.”

It is not so easy to give up, unless there is really no hope. That Christmas, my friend returned to China. However, the man had a new love.

That day of the single party, I heard a lot of sad love stories. In the end, most friends were crying. I stood in the crowd and also firmly believed that I was the one who was not able to get out of the past.

Last year in December, my best friend got married to a man who is very nice to her. At her wedding, I saw the same people from the party. Most of them were already married, some brought their mates to the wedding, and others were either in new relation- ships or had long since moved forward from the bad situations we had talked about.

The girl who came back from study- ing abroad was standing under the stage to grab the bride’s bouquet at the wedding. That was the first time I saw her jumping up and laughing after the conversation. I think she must be much happier than before.

In the past, we were bound by the old emotions. However, we need to know that, until the heart is broken completely, we will be happier than before.

In this world, sh can’t live without water, but we can live without another person. All sad displeasures you have are just because you still remember the old love, and you still have expectations. When you really give up, a new world will come to you. You will learn that leaving her/him can make your life much happier, and even happier than before.

I finally let you go, to pursue your own happiness as well as my happiness.